So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
