It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize