Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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