he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
