I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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