I cannot find my penis.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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