as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
BRING THE BAGELS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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