you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You smell like stripper and shame
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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