I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
