the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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