i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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