I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
