Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
