Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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