When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
