Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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