I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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