i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
