I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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