Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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