Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
