Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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