her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
