I wish I could teleport
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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