someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
