yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
