I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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