I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
