when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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