I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
