i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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