$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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