Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
