Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
