This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
