I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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