The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
