The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
