Please, let me fuck your mom
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
