Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
