He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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