i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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