I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
