I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
