We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do herpes really smell.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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