I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
