I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
