My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
