My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
