And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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