there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
