I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
