yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
