what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize