I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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