if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
