Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
