someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
