so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
