i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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