The maid of honor just puked.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
