It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
